I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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