Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
bring money and cleavage
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
