If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
