Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
