We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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