Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
