Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
