My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
