my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
