you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
