You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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