DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
