y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
