I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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