you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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