he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
