alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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