I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
