We're facebook friends in real life
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
