She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just pee around me
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
