well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
All the doctor said was why
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
