some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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