the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Oh god it's open bar.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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