I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
