i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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