thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
