Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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