i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
