If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
