you have to choose: penises or morals?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
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I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
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