Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
