in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So vagazzling was a success
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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