I hate your face
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
