pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
