You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
