Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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