i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
