i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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