apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
love makes seman taste better
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
