I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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