You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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