i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue