you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
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Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.