I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
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Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.