im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.