no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion