god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
