a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
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