He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How does it feel to date your dad?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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