I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Randomize
