Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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