I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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