im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
