she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
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