Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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