Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
