I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize