Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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