We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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