im so drunk with asians
where?
always
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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