I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Randomize
