It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
