Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
wakey wakey hands off snakey
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
