Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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