my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
