Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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