Porn is love you can see.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
