Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
