What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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